Sometimes I get caught up in wishing that life was much easier to decipher.I wish that my fleshly desires, wants and selfish ambitions for love and respect would never tempt me. Right now, I want something that seems good, it seems right, but I know that if God is not central then there is no point. I need to be able to grow in my personal relationship with God. Instead it seems like I have to retreat to a quiet place, forget about what could be and focus on loving you Lord and telling others about you. Lord I choose you, you have the words of life and I can't and won't change you for anything or anyone.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Yesterday I met a man
who took time to share his story with me and others about his life. Lord, ever since he was a child he struggled with pain in all shapes and forms. His father was an alcoholic and his mother was addicted to pills/drugs. His brother and his friends often beat him and sexually assaulted him and as a child he had no where to turn. Lord, he loved to sing and so he would sing until he joined a local church choir. There, he met a friend, an older guy who became a mentor and father figure. He was the only one he could really trust, but his world fell apart when that man later raped him. His family found out and too keep from hurting he took all the pills he could find in the house. When he was asleep he didn't have to feel pain and no one could hurt him anymore. When he woke up out of his coma a few days or months later, he was informed in the hospital that his parents had given up custody and signed him over to the state/ward. He had to go to a foster home, where the pain only continued.
He ran away and became homeless living on the streets.
Just before his 18th birthday he was notified that once he turned 18 the ward would not have anything to do with him.
He found his way back home, living with his mom because by then his parents had divorced, his brother had moved out and at 18 he began highschool.
Now he talks to people about homelessness and his ministry to serve the brokenhearted. It really got me thinking Lord, that he places his trust in You. After all the heartaches and pain, the disappointments, violence, being stabbed, tortured, kidnapped, shot at on the streets he still puts his trust in you.
Yesterday morning, or was it the day before I met this man I had read a passage from Job when Job had found out that he lost everything his possessions and even his own children he stated in the book of Job 1: 21
"Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked shall I return. The LORD gave and he LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." In all this Job did or sin or charge God with wrong.
There are so many things on my mind right now, I know why I am worrying because I haven't been spending much time with YOU, meditating upon your word or getting to know you more. I have taken off my eyes off of you and put away the eternal perspective to focus on the physical immediate concerns. Please forgive me LORD. I want to see with faith again and not revert back to relying on my own strength to do things.
This week I will begin working as a teacher in the school with a Coordinator observing me. Please remind me that my service is a reflection of YOU. I want to serve faithfully as if I am serving you despite the contexts or circumstances. Lord I don't want to focus on the lies of the enemies or the doubts or the voices that say "You Can't" For I know I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. Most importantly Lord, I want to share the Gospel with whomever you send me too.
I desire to serve you faithfully. I desire to be obedient to you and not give in to my own selfish desires or passions.
He ran away and became homeless living on the streets.
Just before his 18th birthday he was notified that once he turned 18 the ward would not have anything to do with him.
He found his way back home, living with his mom because by then his parents had divorced, his brother had moved out and at 18 he began highschool.
Now he talks to people about homelessness and his ministry to serve the brokenhearted. It really got me thinking Lord, that he places his trust in You. After all the heartaches and pain, the disappointments, violence, being stabbed, tortured, kidnapped, shot at on the streets he still puts his trust in you.
Yesterday morning, or was it the day before I met this man I had read a passage from Job when Job had found out that he lost everything his possessions and even his own children he stated in the book of Job 1: 21
"Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked shall I return. The LORD gave and he LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." In all this Job did or sin or charge God with wrong.
There are so many things on my mind right now, I know why I am worrying because I haven't been spending much time with YOU, meditating upon your word or getting to know you more. I have taken off my eyes off of you and put away the eternal perspective to focus on the physical immediate concerns. Please forgive me LORD. I want to see with faith again and not revert back to relying on my own strength to do things.
This week I will begin working as a teacher in the school with a Coordinator observing me. Please remind me that my service is a reflection of YOU. I want to serve faithfully as if I am serving you despite the contexts or circumstances. Lord I don't want to focus on the lies of the enemies or the doubts or the voices that say "You Can't" For I know I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. Most importantly Lord, I want to share the Gospel with whomever you send me too.
I desire to serve you faithfully. I desire to be obedient to you and not give in to my own selfish desires or passions.
Friday, October 5, 2012
I know I haven't written in awhile
busyness tries to keep me away from you. I am back in university again and as old as I feel I know that you have a plan for my life. I need so many things right now Lord, but you know my needs and those which are necessary to be left unmet so that I can rely on your grace. Your grace is sufficient for me. I am studying really hard to become a good teacher. I know I have a lot to learn and I am nothing compared to other teachers, but I am determined to work hard and help students learn. I am meeting a whole bunch of hungry souls that are searching for answers and I am so thankful Lord that You have placed me in this program. Although the enemy will sometimes try to discourage or whisper doubts, I pray that you never let me forget that my hope is in YOU Lord, my confidence is not in my own abilities, but in YOU. I pray that your vision for justice as in Isaiah will resonate in my heart and be that constant reminder of my mission to share the Gospel. I have so much to tell you, but you already know and Lord forgive me when I fall at times, but I always know that you have the words of life, to who else can I go? I love you deep down inside and I want to grow deeper in love with you everyday. Teach me your word, teach me to serve like you to be more and more like you. Amen!
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