Relationships! "It's all about relationships!" someone once told me. I agree! The only disappointment is that life becomes a bit confusing and difficult when we don't know how to navigate these relationships. What makes it difficult is past experiences and if you haven't really had good experiences in a relationship. Growing I use to be quite vibrant, wanting to try out new things and quite the athletic type. My imagination ran wild as a child and if I didn't draw out my thoughts and feelings then I would represent them in a storybook. I loved to write. Relationships came easy for me and I often liked taking the lead on things.
Relationships were easy for me to engage. I wasn't the uncontrollable child, but quite respectful and submissive and so I knew how to perform well for adults and my teachers.
Life was exciting! I lived with my family in a beautiful house with a spacious backyard and I even had an apple tree in my backyard where I would take naps and read under during the summer.
My mother was the backbone of our family. She was the perfect mother. Not only was she stunningly beautiful, but she was a supermom. She could do everything: cook, clean, sew, sing and decorate the house during the special holidays. She was a stay at home and worked the nights. When my siblings and I were school age children and ready to enter school full day then it was time for my mother to trade in her stay at home job for a full time job. God showered down his blessings!
My father was an equally hard worker yet stern in his demeanor and although at times his disciplinary actions felt as if I were in boot camp, I can draw out a little more understanding being an adult now. As a child I was scared to get in trouble for I knew my father's repercussions would not be the best.
Trusting was challenging for me to do half way through my primary school years and onwards, there were too many changes that occurred at home. Stress was definitely a factor in our family and I caved into a little shell of telling all my worries and problems to God.
In a way these problems, uncertainties, moments of feeling unloved brought me closer to God and strengthened my faith so I am thankful even for the obstacles. School was suppose to be my save havenwhere I forgot about all my problems, but instead I felt it was more a place where my difference stood out more. I was not like all the other kids I concluded, they seemed to have everything and my family and I we were just making ends meet and living by faith. I was also a newbie as I changed schools half way through primary school and in this new school during my senior year I was bullied for a little bit, by one girl who just didn't respect me.
Trust, I learned to trust God more and more.
Relationships with the opposite sex was mostly difficult because of my unwavering relationship with my earthly father, heavenly father and other male figures in my life. Forgiveness after forgiveness took a toll on me moving on from high school to college and university and seeing that I had sectioned off apart of my heart. I wanted to guard it and be strong. Over time it's as if I built up some form of resilience, that would allow me to be bold, refuse me to break down and cry and allow me to spring back from mistakes and hurt.
For several years I avoided returning back to my past to forgive my mistakes and those of others. God is good! He showed me that I needed to forgive others just as He forgave me in order to grow in my relationship with Him. I did this! But my response to deal with betrayal or hurt had always been to ignore the person altogether. He is showing me "relationships" is key to winning souls for the kingdom of God and to Humility.
Father develop this humility in me as I surrender myself over to you. I submit to whatever calling it is and your desire not mine, your will be done not mine. Keep me from the evil one, protect my soul, I forgive those who have hurt me and those who will try to. Help me stay focused on your will, that none should perish,but come to have eternal life, which is in your Son Christ Jesus. Amen :)
Relationships were easy for me to engage. I wasn't the uncontrollable child, but quite respectful and submissive and so I knew how to perform well for adults and my teachers.
Life was exciting! I lived with my family in a beautiful house with a spacious backyard and I even had an apple tree in my backyard where I would take naps and read under during the summer.
My mother was the backbone of our family. She was the perfect mother. Not only was she stunningly beautiful, but she was a supermom. She could do everything: cook, clean, sew, sing and decorate the house during the special holidays. She was a stay at home and worked the nights. When my siblings and I were school age children and ready to enter school full day then it was time for my mother to trade in her stay at home job for a full time job. God showered down his blessings!
My father was an equally hard worker yet stern in his demeanor and although at times his disciplinary actions felt as if I were in boot camp, I can draw out a little more understanding being an adult now. As a child I was scared to get in trouble for I knew my father's repercussions would not be the best.
Trusting was challenging for me to do half way through my primary school years and onwards, there were too many changes that occurred at home. Stress was definitely a factor in our family and I caved into a little shell of telling all my worries and problems to God.
In a way these problems, uncertainties, moments of feeling unloved brought me closer to God and strengthened my faith so I am thankful even for the obstacles. School was suppose to be my save havenwhere I forgot about all my problems, but instead I felt it was more a place where my difference stood out more. I was not like all the other kids I concluded, they seemed to have everything and my family and I we were just making ends meet and living by faith. I was also a newbie as I changed schools half way through primary school and in this new school during my senior year I was bullied for a little bit, by one girl who just didn't respect me.
Trust, I learned to trust God more and more.
Relationships with the opposite sex was mostly difficult because of my unwavering relationship with my earthly father, heavenly father and other male figures in my life. Forgiveness after forgiveness took a toll on me moving on from high school to college and university and seeing that I had sectioned off apart of my heart. I wanted to guard it and be strong. Over time it's as if I built up some form of resilience, that would allow me to be bold, refuse me to break down and cry and allow me to spring back from mistakes and hurt.
For several years I avoided returning back to my past to forgive my mistakes and those of others. God is good! He showed me that I needed to forgive others just as He forgave me in order to grow in my relationship with Him. I did this! But my response to deal with betrayal or hurt had always been to ignore the person altogether. He is showing me "relationships" is key to winning souls for the kingdom of God and to Humility.
Father develop this humility in me as I surrender myself over to you. I submit to whatever calling it is and your desire not mine, your will be done not mine. Keep me from the evil one, protect my soul, I forgive those who have hurt me and those who will try to. Help me stay focused on your will, that none should perish,but come to have eternal life, which is in your Son Christ Jesus. Amen :)
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