Do not be anxious...

God, part of me wants to feel useful again. It has been a few months now since I decided to take some time off and to pursue you and although I have experienced so many experiences since then, I know that you are shaping and preparing me to be pleasing to you. Self control, obedience, dependence on You, trust, thanksgiving and serving You and others is the consistent message I get. I know that I will have to as Paul put it beat my body into submission. My flesh is so weak, although my Spirit is willing. It definitely is a war against my soul to abstain from sinful desires and from following my own self will. Now, I feel like Lord, you have showed me everything I need to live again, and I don't want to forsake the responsibility of working. However, God as I silence the lies that the enemy tells me about myself and confidence and usefulness, I will wait upon You. I will seek You and not what you can do for me. I will bring my requests and petitions to You. This is the hardest thing that I 've had to do because I am a planner by nature, but after spending these last months seeking and then turning away from You. It is always better when I am focused on You.

So, this is my conclusion, everyday of my life from now on, I should put the spiritual battle at the forefront of my mind. I should arm myself with the attitude that I will suffer for YOU Lord and everyday is not only a day of preparation, but a day of thanksgiving, a day of salvation for lost souls. I will speak words of encouragement and uplifting words. Before I am tempted to utter a useless word, I will stop and think "will this bring glory to God" If the Lord wills, I have three more months before I get back to work, but God may reserve these following months as an opportunity to learn more or more preparation. I pray God that You fill me. My soul wants to please You. I surrender everything to YOU. Reveal what job you have for me to do today and God I promise I will discipline myself to do your work faithfully. I pray in Jesus name. Amen!