Yesterday I met a man in his 90's. I sat in the doctors office waiting to speak with the physician and as only the two of us waited in the room, our eyes met and we began to talk. He told me about the responsibility he has taking care of his ill wife and how it's not easy even when the private nurse visits them for a few hours each day. He continued with his role as a husband and how he cooks and had stopped by the doctors office because he fell and hurt his head. He removed his cap and I saw the bandages carefully placed on his head. When I asked him about his family and if he had children he said yes, but they were too busy with their own families, although they do stop by to visit for a couple of hours. I began to think about my parents and the responsibility of soon supporting them.
As he reflected on his life he shared with me his experiences living in South Africa for several years and then moving to Canada. He owned a company and worked in construction. I was so proud of his achievements and really encouraged that he was so strong.
It broke my heart when he said that life was hard for him as he had to take care of his wife and that he doesn't care if he goes right now. Everyone has to go someday! His gesture and words convinced me that he thought if someone is good he or she goes up and if someone is bad he or she goes down. I wanted to share the Gospel in that moment, but weak in faith the most I could say was mention Jesus' name and Heaven. He shook his head in a manner as if he was not sure if that was right.
The conversation was great and as I walked out of the office and into another medical centre full of with adult children and their aging parents I found myself convinced that God was speaking about my role and duty to take care of mom and dad. Until now, I could see myself living for me and not accomplishing anything. It is like being trapped trying to worry about myself and future and helping my parents when I am still not fully established. I don't know what the future looks like, but I constantly find myself on a hazy path, I say hazy because although I have goals I feel something always pops up and interrupts it...or is it my lack of ability to stay focused.
I remember at the doctors office the elderly man I spoke to said that although he wishes to just go on, he couldn't because he needed to take care of his wife. Why? "It's my duty!" he said. I suddenly feel if I approach life and my relationships, how I handle money and spend the time and serve others and God and everything in between with the mindset of "my duty!" if this would change the results.
There is so much I wish I could go back and do differently and although I feel I have lived life, sheltered sharing everything with God and no one else, I feel it's time for me to take a step of faith into independence, take the burden off my parents of worrying about what I am going to do next...trust God for a good job, remain faithful and committed to my duties, be proactive in finding a Christian mate and work on my relationships with family and friends.
I feel right now like the biggest loser for Christ, I feel my lifestyle has taken a journey on a rollercoaster and because of that I have been lukewarm...no unbeliever will believe my report,, no believer will want to encourage me...I need you Jesus...break me so that I know what it means to cling onto you and never let go, but help me see the things that you have planned for me because sometimes I just want to throw in the towel, but it's that hope that you give and faith as small as a mustard seed that I am holding onto.
I would love to just be a GREAT teacher, a MOTHER to my own children and orphans and a GREAT wife supporting my husband, but I need you to help me work on my relationship with YOU...so I can be a GREAT daughter to you Lord and to my earthly parents and a GREAT sister, aunty, friend and everything in between.
As he reflected on his life he shared with me his experiences living in South Africa for several years and then moving to Canada. He owned a company and worked in construction. I was so proud of his achievements and really encouraged that he was so strong.
It broke my heart when he said that life was hard for him as he had to take care of his wife and that he doesn't care if he goes right now. Everyone has to go someday! His gesture and words convinced me that he thought if someone is good he or she goes up and if someone is bad he or she goes down. I wanted to share the Gospel in that moment, but weak in faith the most I could say was mention Jesus' name and Heaven. He shook his head in a manner as if he was not sure if that was right.
The conversation was great and as I walked out of the office and into another medical centre full of with adult children and their aging parents I found myself convinced that God was speaking about my role and duty to take care of mom and dad. Until now, I could see myself living for me and not accomplishing anything. It is like being trapped trying to worry about myself and future and helping my parents when I am still not fully established. I don't know what the future looks like, but I constantly find myself on a hazy path, I say hazy because although I have goals I feel something always pops up and interrupts it...or is it my lack of ability to stay focused.
I remember at the doctors office the elderly man I spoke to said that although he wishes to just go on, he couldn't because he needed to take care of his wife. Why? "It's my duty!" he said. I suddenly feel if I approach life and my relationships, how I handle money and spend the time and serve others and God and everything in between with the mindset of "my duty!" if this would change the results.
There is so much I wish I could go back and do differently and although I feel I have lived life, sheltered sharing everything with God and no one else, I feel it's time for me to take a step of faith into independence, take the burden off my parents of worrying about what I am going to do next...trust God for a good job, remain faithful and committed to my duties, be proactive in finding a Christian mate and work on my relationships with family and friends.
I feel right now like the biggest loser for Christ, I feel my lifestyle has taken a journey on a rollercoaster and because of that I have been lukewarm...no unbeliever will believe my report,, no believer will want to encourage me...I need you Jesus...break me so that I know what it means to cling onto you and never let go, but help me see the things that you have planned for me because sometimes I just want to throw in the towel, but it's that hope that you give and faith as small as a mustard seed that I am holding onto.
I would love to just be a GREAT teacher, a MOTHER to my own children and orphans and a GREAT wife supporting my husband, but I need you to help me work on my relationship with YOU...so I can be a GREAT daughter to you Lord and to my earthly parents and a GREAT sister, aunty, friend and everything in between.
