These past weeks I have been examining myself. You are showing me that I still have behaviors and habits that I need to work on. Looking at my life I see that I am trying to serve you, but still relying sometimes on my efforts. Sometimes I see traces of selfishness continuously emerging in my thought life and turning into action. Sometimes I see traces of stubbornness in me arising and constant justification of my actions even when I know that I should admit my failures. I am bringing these behaviors to You and I ask that You help me to change. I know that the longer a person conforms to their pattern of thinking and destructive behaviors, the harder it is to change them. A missionary cannot be selfish or proud or show partiality. Help me to get rid of even any little traces of such behavior.
I have something else on my heart and mind. I am looking for direction in life. Where do you want me next? I sense now that I may need to work on these behaviors first before You will move me to where it is You want me to be. I apologize that my Quiet Time with You has not been solely focused on You. I just let distractions get in the way...Right now it seems as if there are so many opportunities and open doors. Jesus please close those doors that You do not want me to walk through, but those that you do desire me to go through then please keep them open and order my steps.
You put a desire in my heart...I think it was You or I hope is not my selfish ambitions arising in me. Recently, I found an ongoing passion to learn languages. Thinking from a business perspective...I thought about the potential business and employment opportunities that are granted to people who speak several languages. However, thinking from Your perspective Lord, I thought to myself maybe You want to use these languages for my missionary work in sharing the news of Your love and the message of the Gospel with others. Is this what You want? Lord, please speak to my heart about this because I have just been getting to excited about all this language and learning and my passion for learning one language has quickly risen to about 6. Please help me to remain realistic and help me to not place these new passions above our relationship. I don't want to glorify all these new passions and interests, only You. However, if it is Your desire for me to learn 6 and even more then provide me the wisdom and understanding and continued dedication to learn and use these languages faithfully and for no other purpose than sharing the Gospel with others, drawing people closer and into a relationship with You and serving the emotional needs of others.
It seems as if a year ago was just yesterday. Time flies doesn't it? I have one more concern on my heart. There is so much violence in the world and although I am not surprised because the Bible talks about all these things, I am overwhelmed. It hurts to watch the news and hear the news of senseless murders and deaths. I wonder if that person knew You. I think immediately "the deceased" as the news anchors refers to the victim, is really someone, a living soul who is now standing before You and giving an account for their life. Father, but yet I feel like a nominal Christian...strengthen me again. Help me as I renew my mind and constantly shape and humble me. I want to see that in everything I do, say and in all of my actions that I diligently serve You and not fail to share the Gospel with others. Father please help me to take care of the fatherless. The fatherless I consider as anyone who is hurting and You know father many people are hurting. I think that the celebrities hurt sometimes the most. Some people have so much money, mansions, private jets and all the riches that one may hope for, but inside they are so empty. Help me to live only for You and always for You. I desire to see You face to face one day, until then help me to live by faith in a hopeless world. I love You and my one desire is to serve You and to do so faithfully.
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