Merry Christmas...new resolutions for my relationship with you

I have to keep pressing on. I thank you Lord that even in my moments of distress and need you remind me that i have to push on and remain alert. I have to remain and continue in loving you and serving you no matter how bad I feel at times for failing you, for choosing desires and letting my selfishness override at times. I rely on your love and that's what keeps me going. How many times I've slipped away only to run back to you and you are still there. God forgive me! Forgive me living only for myself. God, if you spare my life to see a new year, I continue to hear from the testimonies of those that have already walked my road and who are much older and wiser now. They have also walked with you for many years and the advice I continue to hear is if you could live life all over again and do it all over again, that they would "pray more" and spend more time "reading your word!" 

God, how many times I have set so many goals for my relationship with you only to get caught up with distractions and swayed back and forth because my foundation was not stern. Your word Lord, teach me to value it, read it and love it because i need to live by it. 

I will meditate on it day and night and be renewed.

Give me wisdom, more than learning to fear You. Give me discernment, teach me these things Lord so that my will may be in line with your will and so that when I pray according to your will it will not be according to my own pleasures, but it will be for the things you desire. 

I have so much potential Lord, focus me. 

I have been praying for this young man and the flesh part of me says there is no way this person can change they are too deep in their thoughts and lifestyle, but Lord forgive me...who am I to say who can or who cannot change? Who am I to even doubt the power of prayer? Lord, Change him and use him for your glory. May he experience you. May I experience you more and more. May you bring understanding of your word to him about salvation and to all the others in my particular program. I want them to know that there is a living hope. Show me how to rely on the Holy Spirit so that I may only be satisfied in you. Those who are thirsty or hungry, let them come and taste and see that you Oh Lord, you are good and your mercy and love endures forever and ever. 

I have a few assignments and tasks coming up, Lord I pray that you take control. Spirit move as I write, as I sing, the words you would like people to hear, impress them on my heart. 

I pray for a decision to join a music group for a performance, although the songs are songs of praise the group is a combined group, not really all believers and although I want to encourage unity Lord, I need to be different, and i don`t show I am different when I join a group to show I can be unified, it is not a one time thing, but an everyday thing. I rather use these times to find a quiet place and spend time with you Lord. I just want to love you more, more and more. I want to go deeper in my relationship with you. I heard someone say something about my actions in public is just a surface view of what I do in public. Loving others and not ignoring them despite arguments, loving others because I am reminded how much times I have failed you and you still forgive and love me, loving others because I no longer live for myself is what I desire to do. 

God, help my communication skills too.

What's happening with our world today?

All over the world we can see an outbreak of violence. Isn't is scary? I know the Bible warns of these things that are coming and so for the believer we can easily put things into context, but how about those Lord that are so caught up in the roles of everyday life that they are slightly bothered by the problems in the world or just brush it off as a phase that will slowly pass. I thank God for Jesus. I thank God that there is a living hope. I couldn't even begin to imagine how I desperate and hopeless I would feel if I didn't have my faith in You to lean back on. It's not easy! Trust me and Lord I am sure you know...when everyone else is living the reality and you are stuck here, not perfect, just human like everyone else and constantly being tugged back and forth between living the normal life like everyone else and living life that you have called me to, believing in Jesus and telling everyone else about the provision you made for humanity, that we don't have to be afraid of death, but there is life after death, and eternal life with you, in the presence of God is not based on all the works we did here on earth, but solely on the fact that we believe that Jesus paid the punishment for our sins, the sins of the whole world and because we believe in Jesus we are all justified with eternal life forever.

The prisoner doesn't have to fear if he repents of his or her sin and trust in you.
The celebrity doesn't have to fear because all his riches and money and celebrity status won't get him or her into heaven, but simply faith in Jesus.

I love you Lord and it is difficult at times to live this life. I sometimes toil between walking in the flesh (living the reality) and walking by faith (living the eternal reality). Sometimes I see things and I desire it too, but hearing others' testimonies and their endurance in the faith, encourages me and it uplifts my spirit. I can't wait for what else God has in store for me. 

Commitment, Perseverance and Prayer- How Bad Do you Want Success?

Lord, I'm falling, catch me please. I will persist in prayer, although I feel unclean and unworthy to come before you. Thank you for your grace and mercy, your mercies are new every morning and this my soul knows very well. Yesterday I watched a video of a motivational speaker and some of the things he said were very true...he talked about perseverance and described it as wanting something really bad. It got me thinking: "You are my one desire!" Do I want to experience your love really bad? Do I want to love you and follow you really bad? Do I want to know you better really bad? If so, what am I doing. I brush off prayer sometimes to feed my other desires and appetites,  but I need to understand that prayer is most crucial. I compare myself to others and the things that I should do I don't rather the things that I shouldn't be doing I do. Well, no matter how many times I have to approach your throne Lord, I will come, but I will remember that I can't be presume and use you whenever I feel like.

Lord help my unbelief, kill my flesh and selfish desires, help me to consider others first. I really need a group of Christian friends who can encourage me. I need an accountability partner and team of prayer warriors who can intercede on my behalf when it seems like I can't go on.

Lord I thank you for the visions that you have given to me. I still hold onto the vision of world revival although it seems like the only thing I need right now is to revive myself. Lord restore to me the joy of my salvation. I still believe! And I am holding on! I want to be like Job and though all the hardships in my life weigh me down, though You even slay me, yet will I serve you.

I pray for the person on my mind, who seems really weak and does not have a personal relationship with you. At times I can look at that person and say there is no way, your life is too dirty or you've done too many bad things-that is the human response, but God with you ALL things are possible and you call sinners to repentance. No one is perfect! SIN is not categorized on a scale before you, but sin is sin and we are all guilty, even those that may consider themselves to be more righteous, We are all in need of your grace and mercy and your gift of salvation that comes by FAITH alone in Jesus. I thank you for sending your son to die for everyone and this person too. I pray that you move in this person's heart, reveal yourself to them in your own way. Help me to continuously humble myself and FEAR you, so that my life is pleasing to you. Integrity is what happens in the dark when no one is looking. Father I want to trust you more and I pray over the battle in my mind, sometimes it is so easy to run to people for their perspective on how to solve a problem, but Lord I pray that I would consistently perservere in prayer and bring all my needs, wants, desires, thoughts, before you. May my faith be pleasing to you. Father please forgive me because I have taken my problems to others before coming to you.

As I continue my day remind me of service to others, the time that you have given to me and I pray for more WISDOM in my speech, thinking and most importantly actions. it hank you that you are going to do a marvelous thing and although I can't see it I am resting upon your promises. May I always always always admit when I make mistakes and ask for forgiveness and destroy pride and conceitedness because that is not of you.

I just want to love like you love Lord,that is my full time job. To love not those that love me, but also my enemies and in my loving and my response to others may I cotinue to be focused on one thing planting seeds and the saving of souls.

I thank you for your forgiveness and your love. Amen :)

I try to do right, but sometimes I just mess up...working on my relationship with God

Dear God, 

It feels like I am back at square one. Why can't I walk without slipping? I know now that prayer is life.  Now, that I am challenged with so many relationships, I need to understand how to live out my role in those relationships. The most important one being with you. I know I have been relying on myself lately for everything. I should know by now, my strength can only take me so far and my wisdom compared to yours is folly. It makes no sense trying to rush things because I should know that your time is the perfect time and you are never too late or too early to intercede. 

School is becoming a bit stressful, but I just keep reminding myself that it's only a few months. I feel like I've lost focused on my relationship with you. I keep making mistakes when it comes to my relationship with other people. What is it Lord? What do I need to work on? I know "trust" is important and I trust you to tell you everything because you know it all already, but sometimes with others I put my personal desires and wants before them.

It's difficult. 

Lord help me not to compare, or to fall into the trap where I become worried about my reputation and what other people may or may not think about me. Who cares? 

Lord remind me that it's all about you and not me.
My priority is to work on my relationship with you and everyday pray more, prayer is communication with you and how can a relationship grow without communication.
For every big or small need Lord, I want to take everything to you in prayer. 

Faith

Lord sometimes fears and doubts creep in, but I don't want to RELY on my own reasoning...It always fails me.
Although my flesh is weak and the Spirit is willing, draw me to my knees in prayer. 

Give me wisdom, change my perspective, remind me of your love not only for me, but for the whole world. Remind me of the mission of "saving souls" and redeeming the time, rather than satisfying my fleshly desires.

Lord, you know my needs, help my unbelief, I am trusting you to PROVIDE in YOUR way and in YOUR time. 

Restore my relationships with others, remind me it is not about me.  but about you and other people. 

Change my view of giving, I always think about myself and what I can do for you if I just have this and that ...I always see myself as investing rather than spending...when there is need Lord, and if I can help me to meet that need and not think about saving, it is better to obey than to sacrifice. 

Keep me humble and if I make a mistake help me to admit my wrongdoings, I can't live up to PERFECT because only you are PERFECT. I love you, forgive me for my stubbornness and for not sharing your love with others. I have been disobedient forgive me Lord. 

Lord provide or show me the way you want me to go. Lord in terms of writing, music, relationships, employment...give me the strength and let me follow your lead and not rely on my own works. I love you.

Jesus Keep Me Near The Cross

Relationships! "It's all about relationships!" someone once told me. I agree! The only disappointment is that life becomes a bit confusing and difficult when we don't know how to navigate these relationships.  What makes it difficult is past experiences and if you haven't really had good experiences in a relationship. Growing I use to be quite vibrant, wanting to try out new things and quite the athletic type. My imagination ran wild as a child and if I didn't draw out my thoughts and feelings then I would represent them in a storybook. I loved to write. Relationships came easy for me and I often liked taking the lead on things.

Relationships were easy for me to engage. I wasn't the uncontrollable child, but quite respectful and submissive and so I knew how to perform well for adults and my teachers.
Life was exciting! I lived with my family in a beautiful house with a spacious backyard and I even had an apple tree in my backyard where I would take naps and read under during the summer.

My mother was the backbone of our family. She was the perfect mother. Not only was she stunningly beautiful, but she was a supermom. She could do everything: cook, clean, sew, sing and decorate the house during the special holidays. She was a stay at home and worked the nights. When my siblings and I were school age children and ready to enter school full day then it was time for my mother to trade in her stay at home job for a full time job. God showered down his blessings!

My father was an equally hard worker yet stern in his demeanor and although at times his disciplinary actions felt as if I were in boot camp, I can draw out a little more understanding being an adult now. As a child I was scared to get in trouble for I knew my father's repercussions would not be the best.

Trusting was challenging for me to do half way through my primary school years and onwards, there were too many changes that occurred at home. Stress was definitely a factor in our family and I caved into a little shell of telling all my worries and problems to God.

In a way these problems, uncertainties, moments of feeling unloved brought me closer to God and strengthened my faith so I am thankful even for the obstacles. School was suppose to be my save havenwhere I forgot about all my problems, but instead I felt it was more a place where my difference stood out more. I was not like all the other kids I concluded, they seemed to have everything and my family and I we were just making ends meet and living by faith. I was also a newbie as I changed schools half way through primary school and in this new school during my senior year I was bullied for a little bit, by one girl who just didn't respect me.

Trust, I learned to trust God more and more.

Relationships with the opposite sex was mostly difficult because of my unwavering relationship with my earthly father, heavenly father and other male figures in my life. Forgiveness after forgiveness took a toll on me moving on from high school to college and university and seeing that I had sectioned off apart of my heart. I wanted to guard it and be strong. Over time it's as if I built up some form of resilience, that would allow me to be bold, refuse me to break down and cry and allow me to spring back from mistakes and hurt.

For several years I avoided returning back to my past to forgive my mistakes and those of others. God is good! He showed me that I needed to forgive others just as He forgave me in order to grow in my relationship with Him. I did this! But my response to deal with betrayal or hurt had always been to ignore the person altogether. He is showing me "relationships" is key to winning souls for the kingdom of God and to Humility.

Father develop this humility in me as I surrender myself over to you. I submit to whatever calling it is and your desire not mine, your will be done not mine. Keep me from the evil one, protect my soul, I forgive those who have hurt me and those who will try to. Help me stay focused on your will, that none should perish,but come to have eternal life, which is in your Son Christ Jesus. Amen :)