I know I haven't written in awhile

busyness tries to keep me away from you. I am back in university again and as old as I feel I know that you have a plan for my life. I need so many things right now Lord, but you know my needs and those which are necessary to be left unmet so that I can rely on your grace. Your grace is sufficient for me. I am studying really hard to become a good teacher. I know I have a lot to learn and I am nothing compared to other teachers, but I am determined to work hard and help students learn. I am meeting a whole bunch of hungry souls that are searching for answers and I am so thankful Lord that You have placed me in this program. Although the enemy will sometimes try to discourage or whisper doubts, I pray that you never let me forget that my hope is in YOU Lord, my confidence is not in my own abilities, but in YOU. I pray that your vision for justice as in Isaiah will resonate in my heart and be that constant reminder of my mission to share the Gospel. I have so much to tell you, but you already know and Lord forgive me when I fall at times, but I always know that you have the words of life, to who else can I go? I love you deep down inside and I want to grow deeper in love with you everyday. Teach me your word, teach me to serve like you to be more and more like you. Amen!

Back home- A new journey

Thank you Lord for bringing me back home safely. The flight was long and although I had a window seat I didn't really spend much time looking out the windows. I peeked outside my window a few times  and tried to envision Heaven among the clouds. My flight back I kept thinking about the heavenly journey one lady had told me about. A student sat beside me, I would say a university or college student preparing to study abroad, I wondered Lord how I could share the Gospel with him on the flight. He asked to borrow my  pen and I had to ask him to get up when I was taking a washroom break, but besides those minimal conversations we didn't speak much. Arriving at another airport terminal and getting ready to transfer onto my connecting flight this time I sat beside an older gentleman who was really focused on his Ipad applications (Ipad or tablet, I can't say for sure). Lord I wondered if he knew you and although I read my Bible and fell in and out of sleeping (I get really tired on planes) I didn't get to talk to him specifically about you Lord. I need boldness. Lord empower me with boldness. I only want to see souls, lost without you.

Returning back home and back to this environment has been a bit difficult to adjust, just because everything seems different Lord. I am thankful that you have a plan and all though I cannot see it I know you have me here for a reason. I am thankful that you are changing my mind about "work" and all "work" is an opportunity to glorify You. As I enter the schools for my practicum, I pray Lord that I will submit my life, attitude, actions and thinking all to you, that you may mold me. I have a lot to learn and characters to develop. Help my faith to endure. 

Yesterday I visited a church for the first time since my flight back and  the pastor talked about the lies that the enemy has spread throughout the world, and it is so strong that people believe it. As Christians if we know the truth that this life is futile and we are created to be in direct fellowship with you Lord and a relationship with you brings about true freedom and also a living hope with you to live again in your presence when we die. 

God I have given into the enemy's lie so many times and I am thankful that you showed me a relationship with you is walked with a Spirit filled life. I need to always be filled with the Spirit. Jesus everyday will be a great day because it is a day to serve you Lord. 

I was listening to Adrian Rogers (Integrity: Don't Leave Home without it) and Jack Graham (message on faith) and it was interesting that they both touched on integrity and "work" I have been out of work for the past 6 months and now I am ready to get back into the swing of things and while I was out of work I tried to serve more in ministries, but I realized the serving was futile without restoring my relationship with you. While getting to know you better I had my up and down moments, many moments of awareness of your love for me and my wretchedness as a sinner with futile works that could never be good enough. I really learned more and also that I am always a missionary whether I am on the field full time or working flipping burgers in a restaurant. No job is insignificant, God you place people where they are as you unfold your plans. As a believer in Christ nothing is just random. 

I am sorry for whining, complaining about my past jobs, not developing my character and getting caught up in heartless and halfhearted work. God whatever you give me to do I will always do with excellence as I if I am serving you. 

Yesterday I helped a family member paint a house and while in the past I would moan and groan about how difficult it was and even quit halfway through I was more delightful. I want to work and work hard and love even the nature of working because it is a way Lord to witness for you and to be obedient to You. I love you Lord and what I do I will do for You.

Keep Your Word

I have had trouble speaking too fast, getting caught up in the moment of trying to be pleasing and breaking my word rather than keeping it. Father forgive me. Sometimes I generally forget, other times I am too busy and out of inconvenience place other priorities above my word. I repent Lord and today I will make a change. I promise not to make a commitment Lord that I cannot fulfill, I want to be reliable to others and follow through. I know that there are times where there will be unfavorable circumstances or mishaps, but in everything as much as is within me Lord help me to keep my word as you do. Imagine how unstable and untrustworthy is one that can never commit and always apologizing for commitments they couldn't keep. I want to be more like you Jesus and prefer others first in everything. Thank you Lord :)

Lust and Trusting God

Today I listened to the pastor preach a sermon on the destructiveness of lust. It was such an important message for both the women and  men in the congregation. The pastor talked about how people sometimes brush off looking at images that they shouldn't be looking at and listening to or watching certain types of programs thinking that it is simply innocent fun, but if we truly look at such things deeper it has the ability to change and influence our thoughts and actions. Today many men struggle with issues of pornography and a filthy thought life urged on by pictures on the internet, magazines, movies and television shows that continue to flash images of sexual impurity. I listened intently as the pastor shared the testimonies of a few men who admitted to literally being unable to love women as daughters of God or see them as anything, but objects because their consciences and entire thought life had been corrupted with images from magazines, pornographic videos and other images that did not express women in a positive light. 

Personally I never realized that men struggled so much more with lust and that simple images could stir on a whole set of feelings and reactions that could leave them in bondage for seeking more. Today the sermon really made me think about the fight of faith and discipline and self control to do what is right and pleasing to God. Today I thought about the core of discipline in my life centered on hating sin as God hates it. I also realized that this is wisdom, to fear God and to continuously fear sin. 

As a woman I am going to make sure that I dress modestly at all times, especially knowing what I know now and the struggle for men. I want to be pleasing to God and be sure that I help my brothers in Christ and not be a stumbling block in how I dress. God is good, no matter how deep away someone is drawn away with their pornography God is bigger than their problem and He is a good that can change peoples lives from the inside out. Jesus came to save the world from the bondage of sin, including pornography.

Apart from this sermon, I listened to a few others online at oneplace.com and I hear God telling me to be persistent in prayer. I have big visions to see world revival starting with some of the most outreached populations, such as Japan and journeying throughout the world. I have often been a dreamer of goals and visions and sometimes I get discouraged to follow through because at times it does not seem realistic or too far fetched. I am encouraged now that if I am going to walk in this life I must do so by faith and although I do not have all the answers, God is God and He can do anything. feed thousands with a few loaves and fish, make a donkey speak, part the red sea. I am learning now to walk in faith and it is okay to hold onto the visions that God has given me, but to persistently pray that God's will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. 

I am not sure where God will lead me next, but I understand that if I choose to follow Him into unknown ad known avenues, I must deny myself (deny the desires that take away time from God, that make me stumble any desires that affect my personal relationship with God in a negative way) take up my cross and follow Him daily. Sometimes this might mean giving up internet, cable, certain foods in order to not be drawn away from God. In everything I cannot deny my mission to share the Gospel message of God's love and eternal salvation through sending Jesus to die for the sins of the world. Amen!

Revival...Set the captives free Lord

Lord I have been praying for a revival and I often can't stop the thoughts that come to mind. Seeing   souls won for the Kingdom of God. Seeing the poor, the rich, the famous, the forgotten, the unloved, the hurting, the proud, confess that they are sinners longing for a personal relationship with Jesus who foremost loved them that He died to save them from the eternal punishment of their sins.

Everyone is longing for something Lord.  Even the celebrities, the rich and the famous who have all the earthly possessions they could ever want, Lord they are dying inside and more empty just trying to fill the longing and void inside of them. The purpose of life is to have fellowship with Our Creator, Our God.

Lord, I pray for the celebrities because it is easy to look past them isn't it? Why should we pray for them? some may question, they have everything they need, right? True, but the Bible says what shall it profit a man to gain the whole world, bur lose their souls. God I cry aloud! You love them, despite the sin, God you love the sinner. We are all sinners, all equal before you Lord, despite whether we are a king, a  president, a pastor, Lord when we are all guilty of breaking your commandments. Thank you for sending your Son Jesus to die for the sins of the world, for dying not only for my sins, but for that drug addict's sin, for that prisoner's sin, for that multi millionaire's sin, for that beggar's sin, you died for everyone.

We were created to have fellowship with you, but because of sin, sin separates us from you, but thank you you made a way back to you, a way back to having fellowship with you and fulfilling the longing in every human's heart "to know you." Thank you for not only restoring the opportunity to know you and be satisfied with life on this earth, but for also eliminating the eternal penalty of dying in our sins, by sending Jesus who is now an advocate for all those that believe that He came to die for their sins and through Him is the redemption of sins.

Now when I stand before God, I don't have to try and explain my wrap sheet of good and bad works, hoping that my good works will outcast the bad. Not even my best works could take away my sin, but because Jesus sacrificed His life on the cross for my sins and the sins of the world, I will die a sinner and admit to God that I know I am a sinner and nothing I did on earth could ever take away my sins, but I trust in Jesus who He gave as a provision for my sins and because I put my faith in the saving work  that Jesus did for me on the cross, I am justified by faith in Jesus  Christ and God forgets my sins.

Living a life on earth without trying to satisfy an inner longing with money, clothes, relationships, material things is FREEDOM, but there will be those who get caught up in this web and only feel worse than they started, emptier. Lord I pray for them and that they will encounter YOU. Try you, taste and see that the Lord is good and the His mercy endures forever.

I pray against the schemes of the enemy that will try to distract people from thinking about you or throw doubts in the minds of people. Lord I pray for a revival and for Christians to take a stand for you and not be sidetracked with disputes. There is strength in unity.

We are fighting a spiritual battle for souls and I want everyone to know eternal life exists and FREEDOM from bondage exists when we put our trust in Jesus. Amen!

The Gospel

Yesterday I went for coffee with a friend. It had been awhile since I had seen my friend and so we took time to catch up. I also had an opportunity to share the Gospel with her, but Lord I pray that I will continue to be persistent not through my own strength, but through the strength of the Holy Spirit. I pray Lord that I will persists to have the same mind that Christ had and that I don't become complacent for one second in my faith, even when the temptation is so strong to be distracted that I draw nearer to you even more during this time. Lord I pray for my friend, I pray for her faith Lord that she will think about what we discussed yesterday and Lord that you will make the Gospel even more clear to her. You love her Lord as you love the whole world and it is not your will that anyone should perish, but  that all should come to repentance and accept salvation that is found in You and You alone. I pray Lord for my walk with you. I am sorry that at times I have been complacent and have compromised. I have fallen into the temptation of distractions and turning my attention to other things, not focusing on planting seeds in the lives of hurting and desperate people. On my way home yesterday, I passed a woman who sat on a bench outside of her apartment sobbing into her phone. Lord there are so many people that have problems, that are relying on their own good works and efforts even achievements to fulfill the longing inside of them, but God we were created (human beings) to have fellowship with you and unless we come into fellowship we will always be seeking for fulfillment in things that cannot satisfy. I pray for her soul, I pray Lord that you will have someone come and share the Gospel with her, how much you love her and that forgiveness is found in you. Lord you can change her life around, only you, shift her perspective. After this life,  creation (human beings) will have to give a report to the Creator (God), including the sins that we have committed, even as small as a lie...sin is sin. However, although sin may be categorized by us human beings as one sin being worse than another (murder worse than lying) to God who is HOLY sin is sin and it is all the same. The Bible likens lust to adultery and although as human beings we justify one sin being worse than another because of the human standards we compare it too, it is all sin to God and sin must be banished. I may see apples and categorize them saying these are big apples and these are small apples, but at the end of the day they are all apples. All sin must be punished...God is a God of love, but God also demands justice. If this is so, that means as human beings since everyone sins, we would also face eternal punishment once we died, BUT THANK GOD that He sent Jesus to die for our sins. God loved us so much that He sent His only begotten Son and the Bible says if we confess our sins and believe in our heart Jesus died for our sins and repent, then we shall be saved. So now we are justified by our faith in Jesus Christ. Standing before God, I don't have to rely on all my good works...."Yes I am a sinner God, but look at all the good works I have done, surely I made up for all the sins I committed..." Now I can say " Yes, I committed sins, I know I am a sinner (small or great), but I put my faith in Jesus as Your word says, I know all my good works can never justify my sins, but my faith in Jesus does and because I trust Jesus and the fact that He died for me and the sins of the whole world on the cross, His righteousness is imputed onto me...I am saved! Jesus is my advocate!

Lord thank you! It is not easy imitating you and your love for others in a world that is all about competition and self seeking, but because my hope is in you I am willing to deny myself and follow you until you call me home. Work reallllllllllly hard and share the Gospel that is able to save people's souls. Eternity is forever! I desire to see world revival and people coming to you. Lord break my pride, I only want to be proud of You. Lord as my flesh wars against me to do what it feels like, remind me of your word. This is a fight! a spiritual battle and as we walk around this earth, we can't see visibly that the enemy is always planning..he hates when we try to tell others about you and will do anything to get us to keep our mouths shut. Meanwhile people continue to turn to the things of this world to find love and satisfaction in a boyfriend, girlfriend, money, careers, travels etc, but these only give them temporary pleasures. I desire to see these people just try you Lord and see that you are good and always satisfying. The enemy will continue to deceive them and tell them lies about who you really are. I pray for believers to stand up and pray pray and pray. Lord may your Spirit move, may believers rise up and fearlessly pray and share the Gospel with everyone. May shackles be broken and people's hearts be moved to hear the Gospel and make a choice, a decision to commit their lives to you. Amen and Amen!

My Foundation

I went for a walk. As I walked I asked you Lord to speak to me I wanted to hear you clearly. I was mostly quiet for the entire walk, just praying in my heart. As I began to walk alongside the river I saw stairs by the river, but on the other side of the river. I couldn't cross the river although it would be the quickest way, but in order to get to the other side of the river I had to walk around. Around? That meant at least another 30 to 40 minutes and although I thought "forget about it!" I really wanted to sit on those stairs. I had walked on the same side of the river and always postponed going to the others side. Tonight would be the night! As I walked Lord, I thought about the times that I just gave up, doubted and disappointed you, but I promised you that no matter how hard life is or how tough things get even if I am knocked down and take time to get up, I will keep believing in you, keep holding onto my faith. When I finally made it to the other side of river I sat down on the stairs and listened to the rushing waters, it was amazing to hear its sound knowing that it is not a water tap that humans can turn it off, I marveled how the water close to me stood still but a few centimeters further in it rippled. It took me awhile before I noticed that across the river from where I just walked there were similar stairs....I could have sat there, but I didn't notice that there were stairs. Sometimes we have to go across the river and travel further to see the whole picture. On my walk to the stairs I noticed stars and tried to count them, I think I counted eight. I never really noticed the stars here before. All creation testifies of YOU. Lord you are good and your mercy endures forever. I pray that my faith may endure, Lord I want to stay grounded on You. You are my foundation.