Forgiveness and Love for others (brothers and sisters in Christ)

It is difficult to understand sometimes why people act the way they do. Before I use to look up articles to even see if I could understand what such behavior meant, but now I give up. Lord, I put it all in your hands. I don't want to be a hindrance to anyone or a stumbling block especially to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Lord you have been showing me that I need to check my motives and make sure that my desires are according to your will and that is what I have been trying to do. I am examining myself and renewing my mind with your word. Forgive me treating others the way they treated me. It is no excuse, but I found it difficult to address this particular individual regarding their behavior and assumptions, so I just tried to ignore the situation and avoid talking with the individual in general. God however calls us to love one another as Christ has loved us and if we have a problem to go and speak with that brother or sister in Christ in person. Your word says to confess our sins to one another. I am sorry God that I have failed to do this. Please give me the strength and wisdom to deal with this situation. I thank you for changing my focus and attention to be placed on You, and I live to make you happy and to glorify You so please help me to do what is right in your eyes and not mine. I love you :)

Love like you love

I have a desire to learn more about Your love Jesus. I want to know what it means to love like you love, although this will be most difficult especially in the world today. I want to know what love feels like without boundaries, loving and fervently praying for those who hurt me. Loving with forgiveness. Loving those that are most vulnerable and the outcast of society. I desire to love like you do. I don't want to love for love in return or for mere convenience and the benefits or satisfaction of receiving love in return.

God You are greater than all our problems and the love that You showed by sending your only Son to die for sinners demonstrates the essence of love. Loving me despite my faults and failures or the endless wrongs that I have committed against you.

I rely only on You, but I know that You will bring special people into my life, who I must look after, special sheep, people that are hurting or longing for care and I want to do my best to witness to them not just in word, but deeds.

Please help me with the desires that have been placed on my heart. Help me to win the endless battles in my mind. I am more than a conqueror and I constantly want to be focusing on how to glorify your name, share the Gospel and serve the emotional needs of others. Thank you for the sheep and Shepphards that You have brought in my life and will bring in my life. Help me to love as You love me and not for convenience. This is my desire.

Dear God....From Selfish Ambitions to Humility and Selflessness

These past weeks I have been examining myself. You are showing me that I still have behaviors and habits that I need to work on. Looking at my life I see that I am trying to serve you, but still relying sometimes on my efforts. Sometimes I see traces of selfishness continuously emerging in my thought life and turning into action. Sometimes I see traces of stubbornness in me arising and constant justification of my actions even when I know that I should admit my failures. I am bringing these behaviors to You and I ask that You help me to change. I know that the longer a person conforms to their pattern of thinking and destructive behaviors, the harder it is to change them. A missionary cannot be selfish or proud or show partiality. Help me to get rid of even any little traces of such behavior.

I have something else on my heart and mind. I am looking for direction in life. Where do you want me next? I sense now that I may need to work on these behaviors first before You will move me to where it is You want me to be. I apologize that my Quiet Time with You has not been solely focused on You. I just let distractions get in the way...Right now it seems as if there are so many opportunities and open doors. Jesus please close those doors that You do not want me to walk through, but those that you do desire me to go through then please keep them open and order my steps.

You put a desire in my heart...I think it was You or I hope is not my selfish ambitions arising in me. Recently, I found an ongoing passion to learn languages. Thinking from a business perspective...I thought about the potential business and employment opportunities that are granted to people who speak several languages. However, thinking from Your perspective Lord, I thought to myself maybe You want to use these languages for my missionary work in sharing the news of Your love and the message of the Gospel with others. Is this what You want? Lord, please speak to my heart about this because I have just been getting to excited about all this language and learning and my passion for learning one language has quickly risen to about 6. Please help me to remain realistic and help me to not place these new passions above our relationship. I don't want to glorify all these new passions and interests, only You. However, if it is Your desire for me to learn 6 and even more then provide me the wisdom and understanding and continued dedication to learn and use these languages faithfully and for no other purpose than sharing the Gospel with others, drawing people closer and into a relationship with You and serving the emotional needs of others.

It seems as if a year ago was just yesterday. Time flies doesn't it? I have one more concern on my heart. There is so much violence in the world and although I am not surprised because the Bible talks about all these things, I am overwhelmed. It hurts to watch the news and hear the news of senseless murders and deaths. I wonder if that person knew You. I think immediately "the deceased" as the news anchors refers to the victim, is really someone, a living soul who is now standing before You and giving an account for their life. Father, but yet I feel like a nominal Christian...strengthen me again. Help me as I renew my mind and constantly shape and humble me. I want to see that in everything I do, say and in all of my actions that I diligently serve You and not fail to share the Gospel with others. Father please help me to take care of the fatherless. The fatherless I consider as anyone who is hurting and You know father many people are hurting. I think that the celebrities hurt sometimes the most. Some people have so much money, mansions, private jets and all the riches that one may hope for, but inside they are so empty. Help me to live only for You and always for You. I desire to see You face to face one day, until then help me to live by faith in a hopeless world. I love You and my one desire is to serve You and to do so faithfully.

I need you more

Dear: God,

I need to know that You are with me. I sometimes feel so confused and although I pray, it is confusing when the silence is louder than the noise. Why are you silent? Is it that I am not praying sincerely? Lord, I don't want to ask for my own benefit, but I just want to fulfill the desires of Your heart. Please make my desires in line with your desires. Please remind me that this life is temporal and only what I do for you will last. I love You and I trust You, bur I noticed that even for a moment when I focus on the worries of this world and lose my focus on You even but for a moment, my mind wanders and I end up concentrating on the wrong things. You know my prayer now and Jesus I know that You will answer and that sometimes You answer with a no. When I am tempted to be selfish or to think about myself help me to do something radical that demonstrates a dedication and a commitment to renewing my mind and seeking after YOU. I want to love and put others first over my self seeking ways and my own benefits. I need to renew my mind daily and Jesus, I will do this. I just want to make YOU happy and no matter where you bring me Jesus. Sometimes I feel like I can conquer the world for YOU and other times I just feel defeated, like I should be further along in life when I compare myself to others. I will not compare myself to others Jesus, but whenever I am tempted to do so, I am resolved to think about eternity and the souls of the lost. I am resolved to think of new ways to share the Gospel with others and to bring hope and serve the emotional needs of the hurting. I love you Jesus, I am going to get some rest now.

Dear God: My New Years Resolution

I promise Jesus to talk with you and indirectly to others through this blog. The new year is approaching and if you spare my life to see the new year, I will be grateful, but saddened because Jesus, what have I done for you? I want to live everyday with an urgency for sharing the good news of your love and eternal life with the lost. The new year I will make a life resolution, just as Jonathan Edwards did. However, my resolution will be to live with the urgency of YOU coming back within the hour, and with two fears: the fear of giving an account for everything I didn't do while knowing the truth and everything I did that did not reflect YOUR love through me. The second fear, which should be first is rather the reverence I owe to YOU because I understand now that no one can be right with you except through faith in YOU because You came to die on the cross, so that if anyone believes that You died for the sins of the world including their sins, and confesses themselves to be a sinner and turns away from their lifestyle of offending you and their desire to serving you then they will have a fulfilled life not only here, but eternal life with YOU after they die. No one gets out of this world alive and when a person dies, they will either live with YOU forever or out of your presence forever. Jesus, I am extremely happy that YOU died for me. I HAVE to let others know.

I feel now I have more of a testimony to share with others. Growing up and attending church for many years, but never really coming to understand the simplicity of the Gospel until now. It is so beautiful isn't it.

I want YOU to be the focus of my life and I don't want but another moment, much more a year wasted doing nothing for preparing others for eternity. How do I stay focused on YOU while living in a world that is turning upside down.

I am listening to John MacArthur now and he is talking about staying focused on you through prayer, meditation in your word and self control. Self control is the key then Jesus. I want to study Your word everyday.

The more I think about it, the more I see that I need to dedicate time to studying and sharing your word, that is the only way I can be satisfied in making you happy. I want to be faithful and changing my selfish attitude to a selfless attitude is difficult if I don't continue to renew my mind with Your word.

So, now Jesus I am praying for YOU to place me wherever YOU want me, open doors and close others until I can be where YOU want me to be just so that I can focus on YOU and your work. When I write, I want to glorify YOU in my writing, when I speak with others, care for others anything I do in my actions and even when I have to remain silent I want it to all be for the glory of God. I want to help other believers, my mom and dad and my siblings and friends who have put faith in YOU to contribute to YOUR work: sharing the Gospel message however, whenever and wherever possible.

Jesus, YOU know there is no time left. Time is running out. Anyone can take a look at the world today and see that the future has no hope. I know that the world is living in perilous times that the Bible talks about. How is it that so many Presidents of countries have died within the year or last few years? Leaders of countries and nations. Also Jesus I look at all these famous people, celebrities that are also dying. I know You are calling everyone into judgement one by one and only YOU know Jesus whether a person has truly confessed their sins and put faith in YOU. I don't want any souls to be lost, but I am disappointed because I have become so comfortable with life that I have not even fought vigorously to share the Gospel with others, but now Jesus I promise. I thank you for the desires and ideas that YOU have given to me and I will run with them and pursue them through YOUR strength, through the strength of the Holy Spirit. Jesus I love YOU.

It is not by works!

"When you sing, think about the words. Can't you see what it is saying, it is so powerful." As a young child, I was part of the children's choir, not by force, but I loved singing. Although I was never good with harmony, I could belt out a tune. I use to listen to a song over and over again, studying the singer's every vocal movement. I knew when to take a breath and when and how to change my voice to sound exactly like the record. If it didn't work then I would try and try and try again until we were almost one voice. I did think about the words here and there and often with slow ballads, which were my favorite to sing. Slow songs often transferred so much emotion whether it was a song about love or pain, the ballads of instruments coming together with a vocalist helped me to connect with the song on an emotional level, even if I could not relate to the lyrics, it made me think about how I would feel if I had such an experience.

Words, they are so powerful.

Lord, this week has been a good week for me. Despite celebrating your birthday, I was so touched by understanding the Gospel. Okay, I know I have said this before, but just when I think I have a full grasp of the Gospel in its simplest form , you introduce me to more vivid images and examples that simplifies it even more and makes me truly understand the essence of eternal life.

I began sharing the Gospel with others and this is something that I am guilty of not doing. I am guilty of being complacent in my relationship with you and trying to use you as a Savior for the times when I am in most in need. Jesus I am so sorry and I apologize for my selfishness and selfish desires.

I really didn't understand your word and I have no one to blame, but me. I was too wrapped up with this world, you know.

Someone has come over, so I will finish this thought later, but I am so happy that I don't need to do anything for salvation and neither does anyone else. You did it all. Thank you

Dear Jesus: Called to be a Missionary

This weekend I saw confirmations of my calling for the ministry, perhaps as a missionary. I will not say perhaps, but more confidently as a missionary. I have had a determination to draw closer to YOU Jesus and to revive my relationship with you after years of complacency on my part. When I attended a church service, another regular Sunday service for me, something happened. Something happened for the first time in my life, in my many years of attending church services and events, the word YOUR WORD was made clear to me. The pastor did not just inform me that I was a sinner, needed to believe in Jesus before I die or spend eternity without Him in damnation. Rather he went further and gave a perfect visual example of my life as a sinner and what that looked like as a stairway to heaven, except one act of imperfection prohibited me from taking another step on the stairwell to heaven. I needed a redeemer. Sin in the past was only covered, however, when Jesus came and died on the cross he died for my sins to wipe them away, I am no longer condemned to an eternity of hell, if I simply put my faith in Christ and the work He did. God is the author of beautiful things, I could never think of this Perfect plan. For the first time, I truly understood why I needed a Savior. I understood everything more. I understood salvation better and grace and the uselessness of my works to get to heaven. Yeah, I would be able to walk up a few stairs on the stairwell to heaven if I relied on my works to get me there, but the imperfections and only one bad decision that I have made in my life would prohibit me from going all the way to the top. Lord, with YOU, I can YOU can bring me to the top of the stairwell to Heaven. Reflecting on my life, I could see that I didn't understand it before and so I was still relying on my good works, for what? Now, I can appreciate YOUR love Jesus, not only for me, but for humanity. God sent His Son that I might not perish, but have eternal life. God sent His Son that EVERYONE who believes in HIM, no matter what they have done in their lives, shall not perish, but live. YOUR grace is so wonderful, even at the last minute LORD, YOU saved the thief on the cross.

Following the pastor's sermon, I wanted to study God's word, I wanted to stop investing in this world and invest in my relationship with Christ and the eternal kingdom. I just didn't know the next step. The church featured a list of courses and programs throughout the week and I was easily captured by an evangelism course. I was excited because I thought it was the best class for me, I could jump in and get involved with sharing the Gospel of God. I took note of the person with whom to get in contact with and when I returned home from church I was excited to email my interest in joinging the course. I had made a decision that I wanted to just know more about Jesus and his word. I thought that taking this course with review the principles of my faith and salvation once more and give me an opportunity to put it into practice. However, God had different plans. I was really sad when I recieved a reply from the pastor in charge informing me that the course was full and I would have to wait until the next term. I felt so confused, Jesus what will you have me to do next? The following Sunday, I attended church and during the the announcements was excited to see that God had opened up a new course "A passion for purpose" a course focused on helping us to understand our purpose in life. It was exactly what I needed. I thought to myself "Jesus, closed one door, so that He could open up another door for me, this is probably where He wanted me to be." I was very excited and emailed the contact person in charge as soon as I got home. Enrolled in the course I had an opportunity to explore my spiritual gifts with a few assessments. I was suprise to see that the assessments reflected my strengths and skills and passions. However, on a particular test "missionary" was outlined as my top spiritual gift. A missionary, yes I had the ability to care for others and I enjoyed helping others, but Jesus come on there is no way I could do this," The facilitator of the group asked me if I had thought of ministry before, I knew I wanted to serve, but I didn't know anything about the missions field. The missions that I had met sometime ago had to rely on church donations and had to continuously seek fundraising and support. That night I went home and thought about it. Looking up information on becoming a missionary just confirmed the support full time missionaries had to raise. I thought about the spiraling communities and thousands of missionaries that are already working in the mission field, could I find people to support me. This missionary idea didn't seem possible, but I did keep it in mind.

I had attended a training with the church some weeks later and the pastor touched on the mission field. I had spoken with another pastor after the training and ask him his thoughts about working in the ministry. I didn't realize I could work in the ministry full time, but this pastor clarified that it is possible...perhaps working at a Christian school abroad. I had never considered this. I understood that as a missionary, I didn't have to travel back and forth seeking support, but I, as many missionaries do had the option of working full time in the particular destination of where I would be and ministering part time to other projects. I know this realization should have come earlier, simply put, but I thank God it came and I kept this in mind. He told me about his son who had just finished law school and informed his dad, that he believes God is calling him now to go to seminary. Missionaries have strong faith.

I was having a conversation with a friend on the phone and told her about my discussion with the pastor. "Teaching at a Christian school, or Missionaries children, we call that becoming an MK teacher, she said" I was so far removed in my understanding about the mission field. I didn't realize an MK teacher was a Missionary Kid Teacher. The idea seemed nice, but how do I get started? Where? What? I still had many questions. "Anyways," I continued. "What are you guys doing this weekend?" I asked my friend. She informed me that she would be seeing a friend who just had a baby and would be returning to China soon. "She works with....Oh my gosh!" my friend stated. "She works with MK children. She is an MK teacher."

We had decided that I would come along to talk with her friend and ask her questions about the mission field and what it was like being a missionary, and the role of a missionary teacher, but at the last moment I pulled out. "I can always call her" I thought, but I never did.

I began reading more and more books and realized, including a book that focused on evangelism and sharing the Gospel with others. I was excited that I would be reading more to help me get a better knowledge of what genre of book I would most enjoy writing. I recieved an email from a friend that I had met at the church training some weeks ago. I had marveled in her passion and dedication to becoming a full time missionary and pretty soon she would be going to Discipleship Training. In the email, she informed me that she had some books for me and would bring them for me on Sunday. I was happy. I love reading and I had planned to read 10 books within the next two months, inspirational non fiction, fiction even language books. Fortunately, I would be attending a prayer meetng service within the week, the same prayer service she would be attending. I let her know and she brought me the books, both having to do with the experiences and true stories of missionaries.

Finally yesterday, in search for what I am suppose to do next with my purpose "to serve the emotional needs of individuals" The pastor spoke about our motives and to examine what we are truly living for. Was I living for my own wants, pleasures and selfish desires or for the kingdom of God, investing in planting a seed in the world in lives, so that ultimately God would receive the glory and unbelievers would come to know salvation in Christ Jesus. What was driving my life? Was I helping to strengthen the weak, especially the believers and helping unbelievers discover the fact that they (as I am, as we all are) sinners and need repentance, with a humble attitude and not a "holier than thou" attitude. Everything he said tied in with the books that I was reading, including the idea of planting seeds before it is too late. Finally, before the pastor closed he had addressed the recent news of many teachers who would have to leave because of a new law that meant teachers could no longer work in the country. I sat and listened as one, that would be affected if I decided to return and teach. His desperate plea "Use this as an opportunity for you to get involved in missions, start a church somewhere, don't just go home, but be radical." The pastor had challenged everyone to go to the mission field. Tears quietly trickled down my face and in my prayer to YOU Jesus I said "I don't want to, but I have too." I felt the Lord tugging on me. "Just take care of my parents and their retirement, they worked hard for me I don't need the money, the clothes, the expensive meals, the comfort and satisfaction of living life comfortably I can do it as long as I have you" As the pastor kept on talking, he slowed his speech to emphasize the last words ..."because only what you do.." I knew what was coming. I thought about the hospital bed and seeing her lying there, the result of cancer, one of the results living in a sin stained world, I retrieved thoughts about the grave as her casket moved slowly into the ground. I thought about the one thing she would always say to me, the pastor completed her sentence "for God will last." I cried.

I received an invitation to go to an event, a dinner event happening the same night and journaled my experiences of God's calling on my life to become a missionary on my way to the event. I had signs, but no faith, but I wanted God to help my unbelief. The dinner I would be going to was in celebration of a new school. The pastor had served as a missionary for years. I intended to ask him questions, but didn't get too.

Anyways Jesus, I will keep praying, writing, reading, eating, doing whatever I have to do, but all to the glory of God. I am seeking the next step that I should take, but what I want to ask from YOU is this, "discernment and wisdom" I need more of this especially during these days. I love YOU Jesus, YOU are my one desire. I need to keep fighting despite what life throws at me because the end will be worth it and only what I do for YOU will last.