Dear Jesus..what is your will?

I am sitting here just thinking. You know I think that sometimes I have the tendency not to be a good listener and I say this because I am always in a rush to get things done and so sometimes although I ask for opinions and answers my mind is moving too fast to actually take time out to listen. It seems as if I am always on the go and that is how my life has always been. Today though I am listening to the sermon of Jack Graham and I really just want to soak up everything he is teaching. The scripture he is explaining is proverbs 3.

These are some notes from the sermon that I have jotted down in no particular order or format:

Remember and never forget God's wisdom.
Do not be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is.

First I need to choose to pursue God's wisdom in my life: keeping God's commandments and obeying God. God will give me the wisdom that I need to make the right choice. These days are evil so we need to make the best use of our time.

Every decision I make, opportunity, idea, circumstance, opinion, relationship and everything I have I need the wisdom of God. We can trust God with everything we have.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

I learned from this message that I need to trust in you 100% and in all areas of my life even if this may bring situations that require me to step out of my comfort zone. I need to live in the promises that you have given me.

My story: How do I share the gospel?

Jesus a few weeks ago I met a young man on the bus well not thaht young but maybe in his late twenties or even early thirties, and honestly at first when I saw him walking in my direction I was like oh gosh please don`t let this person come up to me just because I didn`t feel like trying to sustain a conversation for the train ride.

Anyways he still came up to me and I managed to just endure the conversation until I got off the train. On the train I asked if he atteneded church and he said he could attend, but he is muslim. So, Jesus I took down his email and said I would shoot him a mesage.

Jesus I have not emailed as yet, but I guess I should soon eh?

Jesus you know my heart I just want to serve you with no strings attached and Jesus I pray that you will be able to work in this person's heart. He has been livving here four years now, but maybe a visit to church and a message will change his heart.

I haven't done this in a long time Jesus, but please bestow upon me wisdom and knowledge so that I may be able to lead and tell others about you. I will email him.

Dear God...I am confused!

I am confused. I was talking with a friend the other night and we were discussing our paths and where life would take us. We talked about our goals in life. Jesus, when I think about my future I just think about traveling this world and just helping people. Yes, it is really that simple. My perspective on life has shifted many times, from wanting the world, to just being content with YOU, and a shirt on my back, a pair of pants and shoes on my feet. I know what it is that I need to do. I began to review documentaries and testimonies of missionaries on youtube today. I saw this video that touched my heart of a missionary couple serving in Chad who gave up everything to tell others about YOU. Jesus they even had to perserve with the death of their first son. As they began to burry his casket and the mother began to cry I felt it. There are so many people serving you in the midst of tragedy and pain and look at me. I am still in my twenties and so I should start to do something. You blessed me with many desires so why can't I just start. I need the faith to just get out there and say you know what Jesus I am going to serve YOU no matter what.

Sometimes I think well maybe I should study your word more because I need to use your word to evangelize the lost. I need to have understanding of our relationship first before I can go and tell others, but is that true Jesus? I believe that YOU will provide no matter what the need is.


I also think about my parents. Jesus they are not getting any younger and I know that now is my time to support them and give them everything they need. They should be enjoying their lives now as I work hard to ensure they never have to work again. I think when I go back home to visit them I will give them a suprise ticket to Israel: the Promise land. Maybe once a year they can go anywhere in the world, I want to be able to promise them this and say "it's on me!" The only thing Jesus is how do I do this? Backpack as a missionary and support my elderly parents? Do I do one and then the next? It is frustrating because I just want to start to do something and anything for you, but also meet the needs of my family. Maybe I need to just rely on faith and YOU. I love YOU and I know that I just need to develop my faith and relationship with YOU. It just seems as if sometimes I am going around in circles although I know YOU work all things out for those who love you. Forgive me for being selfish at times and teach me how to rely and strengthen myself in your word. I also need to pray. I take prayer for granted and at times only pray when I need too or have a problem, but I know that is not how a relationship should be. Two people in a relationship don't only just communicate with the other person in times of need, but constant communication is what keeps a relationship growing. I love YOU Jesus please help me to serve you better, please bring those individuals in my life that can encourage me in my walk with YOU. My desire is to serve You.

Dear Jesus---Another Day

Dear Jesus,

I am about to start my day and I have drafted a mental list of what I need to get done. Cleaning and laundry is on my list as well as working on my application. I will also need to plan a few lessons, but maybe I will start this tomorrow because tonight I promised to meet up with a friend and also I wanted to take some photographs. I think I will save cleaning for later and begin with this application as I have much to do and the deadline is quickly approaching. I may decide to apply to one or two more schools abroaod.

Jesus, why do people become so defensive when they hear your name? I have dealt with a few that do not want to get into a discussion about you at all. One day on a train over here as a person came on the train with his Bible preaching about YOU, one man threw curses at him and then began to cover his ears. I thought the covering of the ears was quite childish, however altogether I wondered what triggers within people to hurl a set of curses with someone sharing something about YOU. I think you have showed me that if I really am to get into a field of missions overseas I may run into many challenges, including different types of personalities.

Anyways so I was watching a documentary on missions and in the documentary a reference was made to C.S Lewis. Now, I have always heard about him and pastors refer to him in their sermons, but now I think it's time for me to study more about his life. I actually have a mental list of random people, situations and events that I would like to learn more about. I like learning about history and specifically world war histories as well as Christian history (the emergence of the Church and the history of Christianity). I would add these to my ever growing list og goals. Nothing is impossible with You.

I prayed today and I prayed that I be given strength to not harbour feelins of stubborn, jealousy,pride, partiality etc and other feelings that have appeared in my life. I want nothing to do with them. I remember what was said to Cain: if you do what is right, will you not be accepted? but if you do not do what is right sin lies at the door and its desire is for you, but you must master it. So I believe that even though some feelings come into my life, if I just hang on to the word of God I can overcome such feelings. It is so hard because the human emotions are so strong, but God is stronger. So now, it is important for me to be grounded in the word of God. The Bible says we should study to show ourselves approved onto God. I know I need to do this more. I want to be able to defend my faith when someone ask me a question about it and not to be all wobbly and all over the place.

Anyways, I am going to try to write more often and update my blog. This is such an ordinary blog, but I believe YOU can use the ordinary to speak to others even if it is just one person. I know that the angels rejoice in heaven over one sinner who repents. I guess I should start my tasks now. I want to accomplish as much as I can in a day for YOU and to be productive about how I use the time that you give to me.

Dear Jesus---my week

This week I was feeling a bit down and I loss quite a bit of confidence. I went for a walk and I brought my camera along with me to take photographs. I took some really nice photos of flowers, people and a man who appeared to be quite tired. He sat down on a cement stair and held his head down, so I assumed he was tired. Anyways I felt much better after sitting down and journaling and capturing some great shots. The next few weeks for me will be quite hectic as I am trying to work on getting a scholarship to fund my graduate studies. This scholarship is quite prestigious and requires that I share a proposal of some sort, so I have been asking God to give me ideas and not only ideas because I have had many of them in the past, but this time I want something that my heart will desire after.

Life. I haven't been keeping up with my bible study, so I think that is something I definately need to return too. There are many ideas and goals that I have become passionate about lately, including learning how to read music notes, composing songs, developing my photography, oh and studying french as well as having the whole world map memorized. The last one is a recent desire that I just developped the need to know where places are on the map and to recall it just as well as I recall the letters of the alphabet. I guess I should pray and ask God what direction He wants me to take as all these passions could be quite overwhelming and I learned that if I try to do everything at once many problems will arise so its better to focus on a few at a time.

So, today I watched a documentary about some teenagers learning more about their faith in YOU Jesus and I have always said that I am not the most eloquent speaker, but I was intrigued by how some of the teenagers were able to defend their faith and this is something that I need to learn and do. I want to be knowledgeable in spiritual things and I pray for wisdom and understanding.

Ummm..I am going to get something to eat now and then perhaps take a bit of a nap.

Dear Jesus

I am lying in bed. Today was a long day, I spent the entire morning, afternoon and night just cleaning. It took me all day and I still have more to do, but I will work on it tomorrow or the day after. Cleaning the bathroom was the worst because I had to remove the drainer and clean out all the muck inside, otherwise the dirt inside would attract bugs. Anyways, I was so tired after cleaning that I ordered myself pizza, a nice reward for all that work. I am so happy that I have begun to clear the clutter in my life. I canèt wait until I finish my cleaning. I can begin to concentratate on YOU and focus on what other clutter is getting in the way between me and YOU.

I have a desire to write more songs, perhaps worship hymnn. I am relying on Jesus to speak to me and inspire me with the word of God so that I may write a beautiful piece to encourage and share the message of the Gospel with others. I have somewhere to be early tomorrow morning, so I have to make sure that I can get some rest now.

Dear God

It is time to get rid of the clutter in my life. What is holding me back from submittting everything to you and form just starting to work towards the ministry? As I sat here reflecting I noticed that there are so many ideas I have Jesus, so many desires and talents that you have given to me, but I always tell myself someday when I develop these talents more then I can do so and so, but it seems as if the years just keep passing and the someday never seems to be coming for me. Procrastination is a sin and the thing is that if we allow it to be dominant in our lives we will be stagnant, and by the time we decide to do something about it, it may be too late.

When I was younger, I always heard the saying from elders, you are young you can do so much for God, I wish God called me when I was your age. I remember the days when I was so shy and I would write music and poetry, but my shyness held me back from even thinking about sharing it with others. I remember I prayed for confidence to override my shyness and you gave it to me. Who would have ever thought that I could stand and speak before others and much more sing songs that you put in my heart for others.

So now , I am here sitting on my bed nlooking around my room and I realized Lord I don't know where or when I got off track, but I got off track with you. There is so much clutter in my life that is keeping me from totally just immersing myself in your work. I know that you brought me to this "place" for a reason and it has been almost two years now, when I came I had a dedicated mindset to serve you, but when I reflect I see that somewhere along the line, I totally missed the mark.

I only a few months left in my eyes, God willing, God spare my life to see, but I will make the best of these days that you put before me and make sure that I toil to serve you day and night, until you show me where you will want me to go next.

You want to change me and I want that change.
Yestereday I thought that I have so much clutter in my life. I sometimes seem the physical in light of the spiritual. What do I mean by this? I think that when I look around at my surroundings and I see so manyn things that I have colleceted that I don't need whether it be clothes, books, etc, but I keep holding onto these as if it is some prized possession. Perhaps too if I look at my spiritual walk with YOU, there is clutter that keeps me away from serving YOU. If I invest my time into collecting all these, then it is time wasted that I can never get back and time I should have spent in Your word, or writing, singing, sharing the Gospel, doing anything for YOU.

Yesterday, I thought about a young man who was adopted by a family and does not know his real parents, now in his late twenties he is going to the mission field to serve YOU. Jesus, do I really need all these fancy clothes, the latest jewellery, novels in the mission field. I know some people who just have one pair of jeans and two tshirts and they are fulfilled in YOU. When I think back on these years, it was as if I left the source of all fulfillment and went to a dessert trying to find water and satisfaction there. I am sorry, please forgive me and I know I have said these words many times, but Jesus I am willing to give it away to serve YOU.

So last night I began rummaging through my dresser. I kept all the dresses for the summer and packed everything within a bag. I had a whole bunch of toys for the children, however, I felt you leading me to donate them. YOU know the desire to go abroad and work there, but I can't hold onto these things, I trust if I give them away now that when the time comes, if it be your will for me to go yonder, then you will provide again in that day and time.

So today I will begin my cleaning out the extra "stuff" in my life. I just want only but a few things in this room. This will take me awhile, but I am excited to know that I can invest my all into serving YOU.

Yesterday, I printed off the music notes. I am going to learn how to read music notation. I will do it. It has been the most difficult thing for me to do, just because I get really confused looking at all the notes spread out across the page, but I know that nothing is impossible with YOU, especially when YOU place the desire in my heart. I will practice, practice, practice. I have also been thinking about learning a new instrument, but Jesus I don't want to jump head on into that right now, I want to learn how to slow down and be obedient and patient on YOU.

I listened to a sermon online and these are two comments that stood out to me:
God doesn't need our improvisation He needs our obedience.
Don't ever think that you are too old to accomplish things for God. God can use us at any age.

So, now let the work begin. Today I will clean out all the clutter as a step to my one desire to serve and love YOU all the days of my life.