Dear God...I am confused!

I am confused. I was talking with a friend the other night and we were discussing our paths and where life would take us. We talked about our goals in life. Jesus, when I think about my future I just think about traveling this world and just helping people. Yes, it is really that simple. My perspective on life has shifted many times, from wanting the world, to just being content with YOU, and a shirt on my back, a pair of pants and shoes on my feet. I know what it is that I need to do. I began to review documentaries and testimonies of missionaries on youtube today. I saw this video that touched my heart of a missionary couple serving in Chad who gave up everything to tell others about YOU. Jesus they even had to perserve with the death of their first son. As they began to burry his casket and the mother began to cry I felt it. There are so many people serving you in the midst of tragedy and pain and look at me. I am still in my twenties and so I should start to do something. You blessed me with many desires so why can't I just start. I need the faith to just get out there and say you know what Jesus I am going to serve YOU no matter what.

Sometimes I think well maybe I should study your word more because I need to use your word to evangelize the lost. I need to have understanding of our relationship first before I can go and tell others, but is that true Jesus? I believe that YOU will provide no matter what the need is.


I also think about my parents. Jesus they are not getting any younger and I know that now is my time to support them and give them everything they need. They should be enjoying their lives now as I work hard to ensure they never have to work again. I think when I go back home to visit them I will give them a suprise ticket to Israel: the Promise land. Maybe once a year they can go anywhere in the world, I want to be able to promise them this and say "it's on me!" The only thing Jesus is how do I do this? Backpack as a missionary and support my elderly parents? Do I do one and then the next? It is frustrating because I just want to start to do something and anything for you, but also meet the needs of my family. Maybe I need to just rely on faith and YOU. I love YOU and I know that I just need to develop my faith and relationship with YOU. It just seems as if sometimes I am going around in circles although I know YOU work all things out for those who love you. Forgive me for being selfish at times and teach me how to rely and strengthen myself in your word. I also need to pray. I take prayer for granted and at times only pray when I need too or have a problem, but I know that is not how a relationship should be. Two people in a relationship don't only just communicate with the other person in times of need, but constant communication is what keeps a relationship growing. I love YOU Jesus please help me to serve you better, please bring those individuals in my life that can encourage me in my walk with YOU. My desire is to serve You.