Dear God

It is time to get rid of the clutter in my life. What is holding me back from submittting everything to you and form just starting to work towards the ministry? As I sat here reflecting I noticed that there are so many ideas I have Jesus, so many desires and talents that you have given to me, but I always tell myself someday when I develop these talents more then I can do so and so, but it seems as if the years just keep passing and the someday never seems to be coming for me. Procrastination is a sin and the thing is that if we allow it to be dominant in our lives we will be stagnant, and by the time we decide to do something about it, it may be too late.

When I was younger, I always heard the saying from elders, you are young you can do so much for God, I wish God called me when I was your age. I remember the days when I was so shy and I would write music and poetry, but my shyness held me back from even thinking about sharing it with others. I remember I prayed for confidence to override my shyness and you gave it to me. Who would have ever thought that I could stand and speak before others and much more sing songs that you put in my heart for others.

So now , I am here sitting on my bed nlooking around my room and I realized Lord I don't know where or when I got off track, but I got off track with you. There is so much clutter in my life that is keeping me from totally just immersing myself in your work. I know that you brought me to this "place" for a reason and it has been almost two years now, when I came I had a dedicated mindset to serve you, but when I reflect I see that somewhere along the line, I totally missed the mark.

I only a few months left in my eyes, God willing, God spare my life to see, but I will make the best of these days that you put before me and make sure that I toil to serve you day and night, until you show me where you will want me to go next.

You want to change me and I want that change.
Yestereday I thought that I have so much clutter in my life. I sometimes seem the physical in light of the spiritual. What do I mean by this? I think that when I look around at my surroundings and I see so manyn things that I have colleceted that I don't need whether it be clothes, books, etc, but I keep holding onto these as if it is some prized possession. Perhaps too if I look at my spiritual walk with YOU, there is clutter that keeps me away from serving YOU. If I invest my time into collecting all these, then it is time wasted that I can never get back and time I should have spent in Your word, or writing, singing, sharing the Gospel, doing anything for YOU.

Yesterday, I thought about a young man who was adopted by a family and does not know his real parents, now in his late twenties he is going to the mission field to serve YOU. Jesus, do I really need all these fancy clothes, the latest jewellery, novels in the mission field. I know some people who just have one pair of jeans and two tshirts and they are fulfilled in YOU. When I think back on these years, it was as if I left the source of all fulfillment and went to a dessert trying to find water and satisfaction there. I am sorry, please forgive me and I know I have said these words many times, but Jesus I am willing to give it away to serve YOU.

So last night I began rummaging through my dresser. I kept all the dresses for the summer and packed everything within a bag. I had a whole bunch of toys for the children, however, I felt you leading me to donate them. YOU know the desire to go abroad and work there, but I can't hold onto these things, I trust if I give them away now that when the time comes, if it be your will for me to go yonder, then you will provide again in that day and time.

So today I will begin my cleaning out the extra "stuff" in my life. I just want only but a few things in this room. This will take me awhile, but I am excited to know that I can invest my all into serving YOU.

Yesterday, I printed off the music notes. I am going to learn how to read music notation. I will do it. It has been the most difficult thing for me to do, just because I get really confused looking at all the notes spread out across the page, but I know that nothing is impossible with YOU, especially when YOU place the desire in my heart. I will practice, practice, practice. I have also been thinking about learning a new instrument, but Jesus I don't want to jump head on into that right now, I want to learn how to slow down and be obedient and patient on YOU.

I listened to a sermon online and these are two comments that stood out to me:
God doesn't need our improvisation He needs our obedience.
Don't ever think that you are too old to accomplish things for God. God can use us at any age.

So, now let the work begin. Today I will clean out all the clutter as a step to my one desire to serve and love YOU all the days of my life.